poetry. thoughts and more than make-believe.

Friday, September 30, 2011

A few weeks ago I received an email from a man asking about private yoga for him and his family.
He wanted for them to all take a yoga class together, begin this journey, on a weekly basis.
I mentioned the hardest part about this would be coordinating everyones schedule.

That ended up being semi-true.

Between my schedule and his family, the only way we could come to a middle place, was to create
a new class for him.  Through some planning on my end, we were able to get space at one of the locations I teach.
I was very apprehensive about all of this...even this morning, after an AWESOME first class last night.  He did attend with his wife, sons and girlfriend--plus more students who obviously find the words "beginner yoga" to be much more inviting, than simply "yoga."  I do think it went well.  It's a challenge for me because I haven't taught a true beginners class in a long time --so that is very good:) 

But the apprehension...what is that?  Where is it coming from?  I sense it is fear based.
Fear of success?
Fear or change?
Since completing my YTT last year, I realized I would like to work less hours at the library and spend more time teaching...hence all of I've opened myself to.  But as I'm getting closer to the reality of that, I find a bigger fear setting in.
Mostly--could I actually do it?  I've been a single mom for a few years now and though I may complain about the hours
at work, I've been there for a long time...and would not leave...but to reduce my hours most likely means never to return to full time status there. 
No insurance.

And then that leads me to thinking, do I simply work for the anticipation of getting sick?
I generally don't get sick, but I'm a realist and know it's a fact of life.
Sometimes an antibiotic is more than helpful.
But do I make myself miserable for that?

And what would keep me at full time status, if all things were possible?
To be home by 3 or 4 everyday for my girls.
For the sunshine.

And now...as I desire less and the universe seems to unfold--I find myself in fear.

I supposed it's a good thing I recognize what I am sensing..and just continue to let go,

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"Happiness is only real when shared".....from Into the Wild

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