poetry. thoughts and more than make-believe.

Friday, September 30, 2011

A few weeks ago I received an email from a man asking about private yoga for him and his family.
He wanted for them to all take a yoga class together, begin this journey, on a weekly basis.
I mentioned the hardest part about this would be coordinating everyones schedule.

That ended up being semi-true.

Between my schedule and his family, the only way we could come to a middle place, was to create
a new class for him.  Through some planning on my end, we were able to get space at one of the locations I teach.
I was very apprehensive about all of this...even this morning, after an AWESOME first class last night.  He did attend with his wife, sons and girlfriend--plus more students who obviously find the words "beginner yoga" to be much more inviting, than simply "yoga."  I do think it went well.  It's a challenge for me because I haven't taught a true beginners class in a long time --so that is very good:) 

But the apprehension...what is that?  Where is it coming from?  I sense it is fear based.
Fear of success?
Fear or change?
Since completing my YTT last year, I realized I would like to work less hours at the library and spend more time teaching...hence all of I've opened myself to.  But as I'm getting closer to the reality of that, I find a bigger fear setting in.
Mostly--could I actually do it?  I've been a single mom for a few years now and though I may complain about the hours
at work, I've been there for a long time...and would not leave...but to reduce my hours most likely means never to return to full time status there. 
Ever.
No insurance.
Dental.
Nothing.

And then that leads me to thinking, do I simply work for the anticipation of getting sick?
I generally don't get sick, but I'm a realist and know it's a fact of life.
Sometimes an antibiotic is more than helpful.
But do I make myself miserable for that?

And what would keep me at full time status, if all things were possible?
To be home by 3 or 4 everyday for my girls.
For the sunshine.

And now...as I desire less and the universe seems to unfold--I find myself in fear.

I supposed it's a good thing I recognize what I am sensing..and just continue to let go,
unfold
grow.



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