We walked through musty two-story antique shops laughing about chinese balls we bought and carried them in sunny alleys between palms. Then, making it to the for-sale little grocer store I bought 2%- holding underarm-hipslung. I laughed all morning...
This morning cream curtain pushing slight back forth against the cool much-needed-to-be-washed-window swaying in the gray 7:34 am light. Trying to start in a soft place, tiny tears do not need to meet cheeks that ate plenty of crusts -just to be rosy.
weekends are funny, not always haha but moving shaking dancetothemusic funny-- leaving notes in the mailbox for strangers to lollygag on while the postman drinks Millerlite from the back of the truck "tailgate on Main": is that why letters come later and later everyday... women wondering howtostaymarried while men do the soft shoe down the trail.
Walking along broken down cornfield patches along the riverboat fog sang whispering through empty treetops and I thought how I want to remember this moment-noticing this old persons painting in my brain and how distance creates better snapshots than maybe the soaked cattails visiting the bikepath. Naked images of mudholes and old pepsi cans someone couldn't carry 10 feet to throw away-- but that foggy treeline river morning looked quietly amazing.
You read about the stress SUPERWOMAN enDevours eAch Y You don't quite "get it" till ZAM You have a one year old And you're attempting to define refine machine Yourself to Not your Child who is waiting for eggs cheese or your husband who wants You to still D gO W oN him but for you wondering examining thinking Is this what life's about? And then you think of some quote like Life is what happens when you're waiting-- knowing that is true laughing at the 2 year old discovering themselves, thinking, no- don't do that but you don't want them to grow up with issues, so you teach about touching not touching and wonder wow-is this being a parent- wow- who did the dishes this morning And do I need to mow the grass take a walk find some mother friends discover what my "larger purpose" is Because didn't our parents teach us we could do ANYTHING and ANYTHING could be teaching writing accounting not just sitting around thinking about it- WOW, and then SUPERWOMAN flies in and says "Wondergirl" do you wonder girl where you'll be in that interview when they ask Where do you see yourself in F I V E Years and you say with a giggle- With a five year old- thinking what's so wrong with that? That being your "innerself" inner winner Remembering what it felt like to think I can do it- knowing you will- Even if it's at 30 40 80 (whoknowswhen wefindtheanswers?) Then another quote pepsipops in-- we only know our truths on our deathbeds... I'd hate to stop wondering tomorrow.