poetry. thoughts and more than make-believe.

Sunday, August 22, 2010


You either believe in fate.
or you don't.
Or you fall somewhere in the middle...
not knowing whether it's possible because if you do believe-- well, then is everything predestined? Or just the big things?  Or what???

Once upon a time or 16 years ago I met my former husband.
I don't like the word ex:
Sounds so death-like ...
So--I met my FORMER husband and without sounding wistful,
it was fateful.
I was 22, getting ready to graduate from college and living the urban fun life.
I wasn't into dating.
I was into dancing and drinking with my friends.
I had just gotten out of a horrible relationship a year before and spent a good year doing whatever my heart desired.
Then I met my former.
He asked me out.
I said no.
He asked me out for another night.
I said yes.
September 22, 1994.
Listening to music and drinking beer.

September 22, 1995.
A year of dating... I got him an anniversary gift...he said, "it's not like a real annivesary" and we laughed about it--and I didn't let him forget it.

September 22, 1996.
He proposed.  Our first baby girl was 4 months old.  He told me..."now it'll be a real anniversary" and we laughed...and cried.

Then life happened for many years and like how many couples..I hate to even think about myself being yet another statistic...we separated 1 1/2 years ago with 3 girls, amicable. 

This past week I received the court date for our dissolution.

September 22, 2010.

And I cried.
Cried because my dream of whatever family I had created had been altered, but also because of the
FATE of this date.
I felt/feel there was/is a reason.
It's poetic, as Tammie would say...and I see that sometimes it's ok to believe in fate--even if you don't what that actually means.


ClaireMontgomeryMD said...

i cried for you too. it's bittersweet, more sweet than bitter . . .

The Boy said...

Thinking of you at this time! I find it amazing how life or fate can bring things round so in such a cyclical manner. Hope you begin to smile again soon.

Not Emily said...

thanks for always being the best BFF..

Theboy--thank you..thankfully I'm at a great place with it all and smiling-- just the moment made me pause. Part of growing I suppose. :)

hiphophippie.com said...

This is beautiful, and makes me want to cry.

Time for the new chapter. Can't wait to read it. :)

zeledaki said...

Life makes circles...there are times that we cry and times thst we laugh...be patient and strong for your children and you'll laugh again soon!

Not Emily said...

Hiphophippie--new chapters everyday begging to be written:)))thanks!

zeladaki--i think life is circular, so that's the joy, fate and tears to it. life's all good though:)) thx

HoshiMaru said...

I cried. Because, this reminds me of how life kind of really sucks. Cause it makes me want to make my own fate. Hope you pull through mostly intact.

rc said...

Saludos..... Dejeme decirle que su blog esta espectacular, tiene muy buenos artículos y son muy entendibles, ah! por cierto le felicito por el blog y continue de esa manera contribuyendo con información útil para los visitantes, voy a continuar navenagdo por su blog y le visitare en otras ocasiones. :):):):):):) La entrada ha resultado muy interesante y entrenida, me he quedado un buen rato leyendola, me despido de usted y hasta la proxima oportunidad.

Not Emily said...

HoshiMaru--life can be hard at times, but there's so many plus's along the way. As much as I believe in fate, i believe we can make choices to help our fate along to the life we want/need. Hang in there--

RC--thank you very much! I think you may be my first non-english written response...have a good day

"Happiness is only real when shared".....from Into the Wild

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