poetry. thoughts and more than make-believe.

Monday, December 18, 2006

forget or forgot

bright
star shine
sunning
me.

i thought we should
be childhood friends
watching clouds,
making up
names for
funny shapes,
like englebop or biffywitch.

laying
on itchy green grass
we thought
looked
soft
plush
(but once you're
there, it's not so blankety).

bright summer
eyes.

rolling down hills
laughing easy
about what we forget.

forgot.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

what i've realized again,

no one really fulfills me, completely.
only being aware, in a moment, can be fulfilling.
If I look to you,
and you do this or that,
for however long,
it feels good. Eventually, the tread
wears down.
I'm left with the core.
Sometimes being bare hurts,
seeing all the injustices,
inequalilty.
Othertimes, bareness leaves
me open to see maybe how
it is supposed to be.
Centered.
Focused.
Un.
Back to the beginning. Knowing tomorrow
I may wake up scattered, but today
is canoe-floating on a sweaty summer day.
And how I'm slightly jealous
of folks who don't see
shades, but not too much b/c to me,
it's insight. moments.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

sitting at first & main

listened to
jimi
jim
dan
smoking that last
non-smoker cigarette
at 10:22
drinking vodka tonics
between two
friends.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Painting moments while walking

upUP breathing
down the scale green alley
narrowing vision
walking path
past
icecrisp,
not-to-be-skated-on
winter cornfield.
soSO alive
wanting to
flee
fly
up high
take-me-to-the-other-side,
so when you see me
hugmetight
keep me grounded.
one moment.

sun. half (full, not empty)
hiding between
dirty
blow-your-nose-white-clouds
skating
between
airplane dust
with bare ass naked
fostered, not adopted
maples
resting
along the
path
past
path.
one moment two.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

advice to me
when I went to the
wanna-be upscale
francais walmart
and
heard
"hey mrs...."
by mrs. busy
busy
bumble
don't put your buzzer
in my bonnet--
my brain is full
enough
mumble
jumble
mean-girl gossip.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

what will
crack
crack
kettlepot?

where is the ice
not melted
smashed
or bitten?

will words
worsen
under weeping
willows?

lets not forget
who's day it is.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Gush

Waking
in wind sounds
shuffling outside
sticks
and the girls
thought it was
thunder,
"is it raining?"
a 6:30 am question.
"I don't know."
Though I know it is
as I wiggle underneath
the cottoncandy pink
blanket,
knowing I want to sleep
more, but morning
came quicker than
I expected.
With a head that
hurts
and scrambling
images
thoughts
that seem to be brought
in by the
60 mile hour gush.

Saturday, November 25, 2006



love books

at an early age

love words

beginning

now...

What do you say
say
say
said
when the little man
in the
big brass boat
rocks
the sailors
overboard
without a paddle
or ship to jump
onto
into
or anywhere
inbetween...

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Wise

Because
my grandmother
is many's hero
we come
visit
not only at
Thanksgiving
but during
afternoon coffeebreak
sitting by the
warm open floor
furnace
sun sprinkling,
listening to
wise conversation.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006




As a contributing writing to this book, I would recomment anyone read about these absolutely amazing women...

Friendly morning walks

We walked
through musty
two-story antique
shops laughing
about chinese balls
we bought and
carried them
in sunny alleys
between palms.
Then, making it to
the for-sale little grocer store
I bought 2%-
holding
underarm-hipslung.
I laughed all morning...

Sunday, November 19, 2006

...better...

This morning
cream curtain pushing
slight
back
forth
against the cool
much-needed-to-be-washed-window
swaying in the
gray 7:34 am light.
Trying to start
in a soft place,
tiny tears
do not need
to meet cheeks
that ate plenty of crusts
-just to be rosy.

Monday, November 13, 2006

thinking thoughts thinking thoughts

weekends are
funny, not always
haha
but
moving shaking
dancetothemusic
funny--
leaving
notes in the
mailbox
for strangers to
lollygag on
while the postman
drinks Millerlite from
the back of the
truck
"tailgate on Main":
is that why letters
come later
and later everyday...
women wondering
howtostaymarried
while men do the
soft shoe down the
trail.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

This morning...

Walking along
broken down
cornfield patches
along the riverboat fog
sang
whispering
through empty treetops
and I thought
how I want to remember
this moment-noticing
this old persons painting
in my brain and how
distance creates better
snapshots
than maybe the
soaked cattails
visiting the bikepath.
Naked images
of
mudholes and old pepsi
cans someone couldn't
carry 10 feet to throw away--
but that foggy treeline
river morning
looked quietly amazing.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Superwoman 1998

You read about the
stress
SUPERWOMAN
enDevours
eAch
Y
You don't quite
"get it"
till
ZAM
You have a one
year
old
And you're attempting
to define
refine
machine
Yourself to
Not your
Child who is waiting
for
eggs
cheese or
your husband
who wants
You to still
D
gO
W
oN him
but
for you
wondering
examining
thinking
Is this what life's about?
And then you think
of some quote like
Life is what happens
when
you're waiting--
knowing that is true
laughing at the
2 year old
discovering
themselves,
thinking, no- don't do that
but you don't want them
to grow up with issues,
so you teach about
touching
not touching
and wonder
wow-is this being a parent-
wow- who did the dishes this morning
And do I need to mow the grass
take a walk
find some mother friends
discover what my "larger purpose" is
Because didn't our parents
teach
us
we could do
ANYTHING
and ANYTHING could be
teaching
writing
accounting
not just sitting around
thinking about it-
WOW, and then
SUPERWOMAN
flies in and
says
"Wondergirl" do you
wonder girl where you'll be in
that interview
when they ask
Where do you see yourself in
F
I
V
E
Years and you say with a giggle-
With a five year old-
thinking what's so wrong with that?
That being your "innerself"
inner
winner
Remembering what it felt like to think
I can do it-
knowing you will-
Even if it's at
30
40
80
(whoknowswhen wefindtheanswers?)
Then another quote
pepsipops in--
we only know our truths on our deathbeds...
I'd hate to stop
wondering tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

19 1/2 weeks

five years ago
I was pregnant
for the last
number four
time--

at 19 1/2 weeks

little toes
fingers
I didn't get
to feel
squeeze
but imprinted
on plaster
paris
little ear prints too--

I am finally writing
about my miscarriage
or as the books call it
a "delayed miscarriage"
not missing
pushing
pulling
cleaning
the carriage
but simply
miscarriage.

The word can't mean
anything else in my brain--
it's not a word that has
a double, triple, quadruple
meaning
to
too
two--
but finality.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

What do you say
to someone
who is going into
an army
you don't agree
with
and anxious
about leaving 3
children behind?
What do you say
when they say
I'm not really makin' it here
and you know
that their $1097 a month
in child support is
enough to put
anyone
on the streets?
What do you say
when the concrete
business isn't a business
but a past time
quarter past
quarter till
and their recruiter is
picking them up
at half past
to wine and dine
them back into
a wax on
wax off
lifestyle.
Four brigades.
One training.
One deploying.
One ready.
One working...
and not knowing
which four you'll fall
into first
but hopefully not out
of a plane
helicopter
(train or automobile).

Monday, October 23, 2006

chicago

Said
as good as it gets
too much reality for a Friday
night
and driving through a
rainy city with punk'ed out
kids smoking
I thought
too much reality
for a poet
who
wants to get inside to
figure it all out,
but when going inside
is overwhelmed
by the outside--
where do you go?

Shut down
turn around
which corner did you
last stand on?
Selling your
fushia lipstick
to the man in the oversized
SUV down the street--

Where are quiet moments
locked
not behind
closed doors
but for all the
world
or 7 million to see--

too much reality,
any day
night.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Not the visual
communication
but the audio
is what told me about
the Amish
and the Colorado
schools
with the crazy killers
who want some
mass
media
communication
attention.
Fear doesn't drive
your
SUV
or
VW
or anyotherinitialedcar
but
the dripping of
morning coffee
and afternoon showers...
why do they want us
to think we're safer
sleeping in our own beds
fighting over there
tunneling then
fighting
on our
homeland
no security here
and our children who
they claim to protect
are not anymore
protected than they were
blank years ago.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

don't the days run together

The days that I have too much to do, I want to say
slow down Charlie Brown
get your slack off my back
but days like today when all I do
is disheslaundrysweepmakebedscleanbathrooms
I feel like the house
is my shell
and I'm slow to come out.

Days run together and I forget
how it is to run apart,
which is what I'm learning to do.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

everyday

It's an odd feeling...having the dishes
to do myself and the laundry
waiting without
sounds of screaming
happiness as the
thunder bellows hello.

I do feel strange having this time to myself. I'm really not too sure what
to do with myself, except do crafts, clean and yoga. Guess I'm not
complaining too much. It's just different.

Monday, September 11, 2006

yesterday afternoon 3 pm

When I sit
porchfront
drinking vodka from
a coffee cup I got
from a 6th grade
pen pal,
I smile at the
wind kissing my face
and breathe
in
out
together
and alone.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

football

I don't understand the entire football thing...osu vs. texas, I guess it's big. Even a "gig" got cancelled so the bar bingers could watch the game instead of the guy playing guitar.

I'm glad that it brings people together--they obviously are searching for reasons to bond. People need to come together more than they do--and I guess for some it's football.

What does football really do? I'm constantly trying to figure it out.
I must not be a typical man...so I heard.

Friday, January 20, 2006

connecting

I watched two movies, "Before Sunrise" and "Before Sunset" with Ethan Hawke. Fabulous!! I am normally not a huge romance fan, but this is thinking romance. It's about fate, connecting...

In one part of the movie they bring up how when you are young you think you will connect with many people and the older you get the more you realize, that is not true. This really made me reflect. If I had to think how many people I "connected" with, it is not many. Men and women friends.  I have alot of friends...but real and true--??
"Happiness is only real when shared".....from Into the Wild
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