poetry. thoughts and more than make-believe.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Funny enough with three beautiful daughters, boys have just lived in this nether world--offering a respit from relationships.
My oldest hasn't had a bf, but has had crushes here and there.
My youngest--much like my oldest, is less impressed by boys--at least for now.
My middle though--well, she--like myself--has always openly loved boys.
She takes a certain amount of it serious, not 'dating' someone because she didn't know them, but certainly seeing the beauty in their existance.  She's a natural flirt--something I admire and have fear about...

So--when she came home last week from a dance put on by a local church--and hardly god-like, announcing she is dating Boy--I kinda cringed.
No, I did cringe.
Not because of him, because she seemed confident.
She knows this boy.  He's been a kinda-friend for awhile.  More boyfriend like than I expected.  Then--it became official on facebook.  And to take it one step further he asked her over to watch a movie friday night.
I told her I'd have to think about it.

I did.  And the answer was--if they're still dating in a few weeks or month (which I'd have to say for 8th grade is almost impossible) and I meet him, then maybe she can if there are friends there.
I told her I didn't want a make out session.
She quickly informed me she hadn't even had her first kiss.
I told her first kisses turn into making out.
She didn't see the seriousness in it.
I was kissing when I was in 8th grade.
Awkwardly I'm sure--but it did happen, though my mom probably didn't know.
And at a certain point, I won't know things.  But right now, they share.
I'm glad they do.


And really--I love kissing--just like most of us do--and I want them to enjoy it too--but closer to the age of 20. Ha.
Not really...but kinda.
Om. xoxo

Saturday, October 15, 2011

friday night peace

Some may not think a Friday night at home alone sounds appealling, but last night I found it to be perfect.
I spent the day off work, home with my girls.
I was exhausted after running around trying to find the perfect purple paint for my two daughters who share a bedroom.  One would like a color, the other, of course, would not.  This has ended up more than once with us leaving stores without any paint at all. Finally yesterday--they agreed and paint was purchased.

My oldest daughter went to the movies with friends to see Footlosse and had a cross country picture taken in the middle of a corn field.
No joke.
They do these team posters of kids in various places around town to represent their sport.  I guess cross country kids run anywhere--fields included.

So, by the time everyone went to their respected places last night--BD asked if I wanted to go the away football game.  Sounded torterous, but for him, I would.  Then my friend asked if I wanted to get coffee--sounded better, but let her know I was going to the game.  After alittle pouting on her end, she finally gave up--but when I told BD she asked, he was like--why don't you go? You'll have fun with her.
So--he left, but my friend didn't get back with me--so I was alone.

Sweetly alone with my yoga mat and streaming into Yogis Anonymous.
Ahhh...such peace.
Such pleasure.
Such hot, sweaty mind work.

I am almostly aways challenged when I do their yoga.
I love it.
I personally don't challenge myself enough on my mat.
I need someone to take me to the that next place in my practice and I often find it there.

So--by the time BD had gotten home, I had a lovely asana, taken a hot shower and got my Pj's on to begin a movie through hulu.

I slept so soundly.
So well...waking up to think about my middle daughter letting me know last night she's 'going out' with a new boy.
At least for the day.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Thankfulness in motion

Thankfulness through motion.

So...my puppy is "getting fixed" today.
We got her from the pound a few months ago, being about 4 months now.
In a time where animal abuse and neglect seem to be in the news weekly, I half expected to have some kind of background check, house inspection to acquire this love.
It was almost alittle too easy, but on the other end, I am glad there is some trust there in the big, bad world.
The only 'glitch' to the process (which is not a glitch at all, but i can't think of the right word) is that
until you get your animal neutered, the animal shelter still considers the animal their property.
Fair enough.
I neuter all my animals anyhow.
To make it even more appetising to those who may not think birth control in animals is important, they give you a $30 off coupon to take to various Dr's or shelters.  My vet was already on there, so I felt even more lucky.

So, knowing today is rolling around I look for my coupon.
And look.
And look some more.
I put it somewhere "safe" so I wouldn't lose it.
You would think as soon as that thought would pop in my mind, I'd stop whatever I was doing and say "NO! Don't do it!!" but did I?
Of course not.
So I spent a few days looking.
I even let it go, knowing my cheap ass would just eat the $30.

Then, for whatever reason, I looked in my "dog bag" this morning--and what was there??
You know.
The coupon.

So after doing the motion of 'father, son, holy spirit'--I thought, I'm not even catholic and I always do this motion. Its soothing.
Maybe liking saying 'namaste' at the end of yoga class.
Thankfulness in motion.

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Occupy my dreams

This morning I woke up from NYC.
So many times when there are large issues, disasters, very human problems "out there" in the universe, my dreams link into this larger whole and I'm
swept there for a moment.  Sometimes this leads into other dreams, like this morning, other times--I am only 'there' and then back home again.

This morning I was very much in the streets with people,
watching them line up and link arms in front of a building --I think.
I look up to see a judge explaining something to them.  There was a content, busy energy around them.

The next thing I know a police officer tells me that he is questioning
my age by the way I looked at the judge.  I must've had a look of disgust in my eyes.  I wondered how the judge could see me and how that was wrong.

Then--the dream switches.

Suddenly I realize my parents and girls are with me and we need to get out of this space.  We are not safe, so I lead them into a building.  Once we're in, I realize we're no safer--what I might picture true urban housing projects to be.  I've been in spaces like this before in my dreams.  I've lived that life somewhere.  It sucks.  As we're going down the stairs I tell my dad to make sure that my middle daughter isn't left behind...put her in the middle of the group.  She's tired and doesn't want to walk anymore.

We get to the bottom stairwell. It's so dark and dirty with people in the halls. An african american woman asks me if I can tell "them" what "we" want...and I replied, "What?  Just to be nice to each other..."

And woke up.

Friday, October 07, 2011

Last night I was pretty broken.  I can't quite figure out what's going on, other than pure exhaustion.
It's like I'm on this busy track that I can't find the detour off of yet.
I've realized, this may be how busy I am forever.
I don't even have time to drink a half a beer.
Serious. And probably kinda gross to beer lovers.
I usually split a beer between days.
I started one last Sunday..I think I took 2 sips and put it back in the fridge. And there it sits, until I pour it down the sink.
I realized this morning, I don't even have time to sit and enjoy a drink.
I'm not someone who likes to drink anything before bed...it keeps me mentally charged and I have to go to the bathroom about a jillion times.
No joy in that.

This morning, I feel rested.
I slept ok enough to get me through the day.
It'll be busy, going to two elementarys for booktalks. 
There is pure yoga in that part of my job.

And then it's homecoming weekend.
My oldest is going with her friends--hopefully she has a good time.:)
Om xo

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

I began slow

creaking morning body on the mat

listening to green tara


remover of lions and greed

in balasana

arms overhead

fingers interlaced

onto my back for biking the agni path

rolling my spine

so divine

warming for the sunny salutes

head back

fingers interlaced
heart reaching towards the sun

Warrior 1: What is story? What is your stance on Issues 1, 2, 3?

Lunge into peacefulness

dropping your sacrum

bending your knee to twist

your heart to the other side of the world

to the twisty parvokonasana


bind and travel again


your hero
called your camel to finish
your heart
resting your legs up the wall

to begin the day
"Happiness is only real when shared".....from Into the Wild

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