poetry. thoughts and more than make-believe.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Picking up Chicago Straw

go  back to Chicago  ing
to clean up some straw

excuses: she really is nice; you've only heard my side of the story; i'm not working; she doesn't do it all the time; you don't really understand

making ((to-be-made))
so the punchline
woman with rolling pin

doesn't get wrinkled




Abuse doesn't just happen to women, but men also...Click here to read the facts.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

knowing up

                                                                        you just know
                        
holding on half
spirals
stair
u
pdownu
            p
            down


careful water
wells
(what you wish for)
(throw a penny)
(on a shooting star)
citrusfresh
deep 
o
w
n
 
up




Tuesday, December 16, 2008

watching Penelope
with a babygirl 1
sick
eating chicken poppykosh
talking sweet talk
thinking lovesongs
softness

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Boy crosswalks


more towards the center
line
     crossing
     walks
with boy-teachers
holding traffic

still

((((wondering why today
both elementaries

were not girl-teachers
crossing walks

but even more:
                     why not more often????

Thursday, December 04, 2008

The Night Before


I was in the grocery store
where instead of aisles
there were pyramids of food
cans
fresh greenbeans
waiting

And in the back
where the drinking fountain 
sits
I stood looking at a fish tank

small
dirty water carrying little
fish populating
unsure how they were living

my eyes 
gazed to the right
a large tank held two gold carp

One came to the side
staring
I spoke to it like a pet
OOOHHH....
while it nuzzled up to the glass
I knew it understood my words

Out of the clear water
the sparkled fish
was on my side
when I couldn't decide whether
to be running down the aisles
or letting it be

An unknown woman
spoke
telling me not to not be afraid
I knew she was right!!
but when I felt the gentle jaws
around my waist

I woke



Friday, November 28, 2008

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Inside upsidedown

how i arrived
on a third street
didn't matter
                              
                                inside i flew upstairs
                                taking steps to the back


                               windowless room          *withoutairlightsuffocationlifeenergycolorbeing*

(while the Wion man explained
the history of the home:

hearing stories of deserving a new house
but not being a new house because it's an old house 
needing new plaster
walls)

Eyes gazing downward...
large slatted
painted wood
cream
           gazing ceiling high
           dingy
           darkshadows
                        to the straighforward walls 
                        again, without windows

And his wife
to my right
apologizing

"I know this is what you wanted"
talking about the house
bought out 

"That's ok...this is yours"

thinking
maybe the dreamhouse
but not the builder
                                 take his table 
                                 set his plate
 
dream alittle dream for me...
                                          *speakinginrealtime*



Sunday, November 02, 2008

Crystal fences

8:40am fencing lessons
                      sunstriken
                      h
                      a
                      d
                      o
                      w       casting
(not iron
or ore
but)

swingsets
l
i
d
e
s

monkey-bar and four-square
chainlink tricks my eyes

like in yoga:
now place your right thumb 6 inches from your eyes
now place your left thumb 6 inches behind the right
inhale focusing on the front
exhale
noticing two thumbs to the back
inhale focusing on the back
exhale
noticing two thumbs in the front

in your own perfect timing shift your gaze between both thumbs

but in walking
the sun 
the fence
were my yoga-thumbs
gazing at the chainlink
the morning light
was clear

seeing past the fence

clarity
more than crystal

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Smoking strawberries


asphalt 
u
n
d
e
r

                                 left sandle-shoe

single
1
burning cigarette
i tried to toe-it-out
to faceless voices
unpaying attention
mumbling jokes in
Shell's backyard

(insidepanic
inbetweenreality
thislittlesmoldermay
turntofire
catchingeverythingitoucheson)

the parking lot people
didn't understand
hear
see
the
cigarette

And when i went inside to tell
gas-station workers...
they were eating fresh strawberries
in the backroom




unreachable
untouchable
laughing more










panicking 
r u n
n
n
n
ing back
(toandfrotoandfrom)

'call 911' i shouted
again
g
a
i
n
to laughing unfaces

smoke
turned privacy fence to flames
behind the car wash

and '911'
unreachable
in my hand


Monday, September 29, 2008

16 Glass Panes

SURROUNDED by    16
              panes
(((((pains
paines)))))
                                            glass windows building glass houses 


                                                              *******not throwing rocks
                                                              or breaking ceilings *
                                                              *
                                                              *
BUT
smiling inside
t
h
e
outside
talking visits

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Highway dreams

Highway










which way
                  driving
                              leftlane side
                                                    in an aluminum 
dug-out
built-by-who
canoe







passers by commenting:
you're going so smoothly
you're going up stream
look how well you're doing
                                                          feeling
                                                               noticing 
                                  thin metal bottom swiftly
inning
outing
highway shallow water

crystal clear pavement

emptying me off
exit 68

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The flasher at Micky Dee's

i was 8

family-sitting
backboothed
McDonalds

he was 40+plus+
flicking his lighter
attention-getting

f
l
a
s
h

f
l
a
s
h

each
butaned-time
i'd (not want to) **(turn)**
my head

f
r
o
z
e
n

wanting my telepathic-bewitched skills to come alive
with my unknowing family
enjoying their
happy-happy-happy meals

until we stepped off the curb

i told my mom about 
the old-man flasher
and with the words came 
management
police

but he was

t
r
u
c
k
never seen again



I've been thinking about this moment lately.

I was sitting with my family eating what I'm sure was a happy enough meal.  We were in the backroom area, where at the time there was a large plaster Ronald McDonald...sitting at the head of the "bar" area--the room before playland I guess.  McDonalds was new to town. We were in a booth area and this old man (old for an 8 year old), kept flicking his butane lighter.  He had it low--near his belt buckle.  I was annoyed at the flicking, but could tell he was doing it as an attention getter.  Eventually my eyes figured out what was going on--his penis was hanging out his zipper area, extremely close to his lighter.

I froze.

The sad part, past the perv, was I knew to tell my family but didn't know how or what to do.  I felt very intimated with him right there...like I had caused it by looking.  I didn't want to look, but felt him staring--the whole thing.  

As soon as we left the building I told my mom what had happened.  My dad went immediately inside and told management.  They called the police.  I had to talk to them.  The man was gone.  

McDonalds knew alittle about the man.  His brother lived in town and he was a trucker with "problems." Hmmm.. They knew he was creepy, but until then didn't have a reason to ban him.  


Tuesday, September 09, 2008

why Emily Dickinson was a recluse

i am sure she was pheramone rich
walked with long skirts
asked when the last time her toes were curled
asked about simple times
waited for johnny cash to buy his whiskey

men
wanted
desired
her/she didn't know how to react
except remove

away
hiding

to another world
of written words
and wanting those words to be spoken

but when they were,
afraid.
yoga in my living room
candlelit fishtank
hoping it goes well...

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Bellydancing paper-boots




searching in a small room i planned to buy a new bellydance outfit




all i could find was beiged outfits
and i thought



even with the occasional
sparkle
here
there
it was still
beige

then
to
the side
tables of
brightly colored
skirts
hipscarves
tops
called

but her husband
shimmied across the room
while I found

paper boots
busting thru

unsure why i had
paper boots to begin with


Monday, August 25, 2008

Hippie mermaid-energy at Trader Joe's

20-something
hippie
girl







((((((((((((((((energizing

expandingcoloredfields

aura)))))))))))))




she scans our out-of-town
semi-Indian
healthy granola
 groceries
  sinking
voice-in-eye asking
"Wow (!!!) what stone is that?"
vibing


i spell
c.h.a.l.c.e.d.o.n.e.y

"i can never pronounce it"
i said
as she spoke the word easily

"I'm getting like a total mermaid energy from you"
i smile


the girls' smile

 (then)
 as she bagged our groceries she said,
"a varied lineage"
twice

i winked
smiled
knew




Thursday, August 07, 2008

Smiling stitches

arms
             key
                      dead
                             bolt for the 
                                                  d
                                                  o
 out the back                    o
                                                  r

walking
elbows 
              locked
                          
smiling 
               ear
    2         a  
               r

with a cut finger

d
e
e
p  needing stitches

                                     sending out
group hugs
to heal

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Stretch marks at the pool

pool-grass
beach towel 
parkfield

sun dripped
shadows 

she bent over my belly:

"Your stretch marks are like fire"

I opened my eyes:

"I like that image"

thinking, hot as hell, 
smiling

Proudly to all three:

"I got these gifts from all of you."




Thursday, July 24, 2008

Friday, July 18, 2008

if you drove by

you'd think she
was enjoying 
q
u
i
e
t
writing
observing
from the front porch

but in reality
flies are biting
landing
footblister screaming 
snipping peaceful moments

but

she's trying 

so
o

hard
to 
ignore the flies
who are
most likely searching
for the 
unfound, 
dead-under-porch-animal

for her own
5 minutes



Monday, July 14, 2008

summer porch

on my front porch
bowl-full-of
hollyhocks
black-eyed-susans
queen anne's lace
echinacia

odor of dead animal
lingers

surely the work of Tiger,
cat #2

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Inside Outside

outside

out-loud/
"I'll walk
the girls home"
after merry-go-rounds
and trying to put my
feet into tumbler glasses
like they do for 
.50 cents in Iraq
straws by my heels
walking phonecalls to
bffe's...

trainbeds
where overboard
2 men shoveled rakes
asking if I knew
'such-n-such' because he
got his act together
and is buying groceries at 
Bills T & C...

inside

i was/
arriving voices told me
Bill brought Mrs. Havens to the wedding
sitting cross-legged
watching a young persons wedding
frontly a game-boy
ready for cake
his hair was almost gray while
she said thank you for bringing me
i always wanted to come inside
watching a wedding here
cross-legged on the floor

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

tent-sleeping




backyardnightime
                        e
                        n
                        t
s
  l
   eep
          i
           n
             g
softly
givingifts
       i
       g
       h
       t
ear 
echoes

4am birds

starlitentops

dreaming refreshed
for 6am 









and 



Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Trying to yoga myself to sleep

sleepy-eyed tonight
wanting down blankets
down pillows
dreams of a bed-bay-window
down the street
lights flickering
Dickeness streets

"Mom can I have chocolate milk?
Can you get my pajama pants?
Will you do yoga with me?"

we did
us four women

and my romantic bedtime thoughts
were post-realistic postures
posing
creating space
moments
time 
needed to be
just be
be
b
e
with my daughters not as their
mom
maid
playmate
protector

but as their equal
momentarily breathing
universal breathes
connecting
earth 
sky

relaxed for bedtime stories

now in the peace of the crickets
trains
soft heart lights

down pillow dreams
wait patiently

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Shaving is optional

sitting in the front seat
she said

shaved legs feel like plastic...a plastic bag


afterwards... 
shaving for the first 10 year old time

i told her it: 
was a good description

but tonight i wonder
if it's only the beginning

girls being plastic
not being themselves
wrapped in seran 
                         bubble
                         white grocery bags
                         paper or plastic miss, the young bleach blonde woman asked tonight??



p.s....(i choose paper
shaving is optional
i must be 'being' in my plastic bag girl world)








Sunday, June 08, 2008

Pool 1

sundial 
       sunburn
              what time are we leaving?

sitting
       silently
               people-watching

sinking
      slowly
              under the warm pool shades

sunscreen
     slams
              on girlfriends cheeks

so
      so
          glad for an afternoon swim

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

tornado watch

her friend called
"there's a level 3 tornado watch"
they didn't want
to drift into the dreamland

"it's not even raining"
i said
"tornado's don't just pop out of nowhere"
their eyes smiled,
understanding

the upstairs two
nodded
after i said
their evening prayers:
Matthew, Mark, Luke and John  (how many times have they asked me who these men were?)
Bless this bed you lay upon
Four posts upon your bed
Two angels overhead
Two to watch
And two to pray
And two to guide you
Night and Day
Amen


with white light
guarding the house

while the oldest
brain-glued her eyes to
the weather channel
telling me she was hungry

then, of all times
i dumped an entire bowl of
Kellogg flakes with sweets
over the kitchen floor

the dog quickly
ate the bits of floating
chocolate left on the floor
milk seeping into the
old wood cracks

sure some other force
knocked the bowl out of my hand
i felt unaffected
cleaning up cereal at
9pm
getting her another bowl without reflex

"see they're below us,
we're here," i spoke
walking into the front flower pot room
touching the t.v. screen

"ya, they're alot further down now"
she relaxed into her triangle stretch

"bedtime"

Monday, June 02, 2008

Mirrorshot

the left eyebrow
painted on blue
perfect St. Louis

      while the right 
      blue brow
      stuck at the arch

              redraw
              redrew


              


Eyebrow collage

Sunday, June 01, 2008

dryerwater dream

i looked inside

the dryer
(not the washer)
shiny metal with a puddle                   emotions
at the back of the machine

i shook the dryer

more water
plus more                                              more emotions
sitting puddle 
rising inside

i took the inside out

starwishing the water
would just drain                                   plus more emotions
down

but 

it continued
rising
rise
ri
sing
ahhh....orange, yellow, 
not clear water surfacing                     and more plus plus emotions
up to my waist
along side

i thought

the only way
one way
for the water to                                      less emotion
empty

d
o
w
n

was to close the bathroom door

shut the water inside                             less again

i opened the door
the water                                                 emotion

gone

Saturday, May 24, 2008

summer reading

Summer Reading

Planning
summer reading
whose club
picking up
yo (what it is?)
ga (ga ga ga)
proproprogramsgramsgrams
farfrom
rod iron gates

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

full moon


full moon cycle



according to science people don't change their behavior

because 
i don't always believe
in logic 
reasoning,
i will lock myself away
and sleep early...


Wednesday, May 14, 2008

asleep till dreaming morn

soft sounds
e
scape
dwindlefall
babyrat whisper
till everymans 
stories
words
single letters
close my eyes

and i sleep
dream my awake time

till morning

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

tramp-o-line

to the store

y

     4
i
c   ream
e

and
backyardjumps

lost on trampolines

then
re
member (what
               whose
                 whom club?)
their
back
yard

jumping

up
    up
down
    down

watching
wondering 

y
how
u

jump
ed
after
noon teatime

cameraflash
our tramp
oline

gas
oline not needed

was 
g
o
n
e

Friday, May 09, 2008

days

body
achey
        rejecting wellness

couching friend
rose

watching



at 1:27

middle
march afternoon



Tuesday, May 06, 2008

The Maytrees & Virginia Woolf

I finished Annie Dilliards, "The Maytrees," tonight.  I am reading it for one of my bookclubs.  We are meeting tomorrow...anyhow, the language in the book is (and I rarely use this overphrased word) breathtaking.  It is poetry set to fiction throughout.   I don't know if anyone has put this out there, but I was reminded of Virginia Woolf.   The words set to the moment...

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Friday, May 02, 2008

whose angel?

Early this morning,  my awake-self was ignoring the alarm clock.

                      I was dreaming.
                                Chasing.
                                Finding.

Till I thought in the dream, I need to go back...

                     Back where?
                     Back

but as I did I was sucked into a blizzard.

                              Snow pounding.
                              Wind evolving tornado induced blizzard--

And then my african-american angel...

the one who showed up in a dream when I was in highschool, making me laugh
(I dreamt I was going pee and he was peeking around the corner--which made me dream laugh)

                             grabbed my arms
                             I was laying on the ground...being sucked into this blizzard,

                                          pulled me
                                          pull
                                          pull

and I kept looking up at him,
almost crying--

saying 

                         "I just want to be someone's angel...someday"


Thursday, May 01, 2008

12 years

outside cake
May day sun
backyard pat
io
io
e-i-e-o
singing happy 12

sweet 12

born at 8:04
tonight she said 
she missed it 
at 8:08

i said
you would've been crying
maybe nursing

always loved--

Friday, April 25, 2008

warm windy violets

curtains sway
against my jewelry
fingers
sharing secrets
with warm windy songs

scattered violets
best friend dandelions 
outside the screen

wondering

if their boxes are soaked with tears

all before
cold chocolate milk makes
the school day seem
blown
in warm swish-swosh-sway

(of course) the last morning

parkbound
                 round the corner
                                   down the street
and which street do you live
(do you play clue)
looking on
p(ast).p(resent).f(uture)
running past
                         trip
                                trap
                                       trop
no horses on this block
because i forgot
                    i needed (not want) 
forgotten
                  dreamobject at home
(driving up&down street peering)

pick up
             pace
                         picante
when i realized
i was wearing black leggings 
                                      and a tiny pink bra
thinking how can i keep the girls in?

 (wanna play
hide-n-go seek
outside 
             the line
                        the box
needing out
                      here
                              there
me wondering why this bra?)

then
when afterwork colors shift
parked flowergarden cars lining 
                                                     streets
                drivers
                dayoffwork
face on
dice
never know the chance
runningdrivingchatting
stopping outpouring
                                  working men
                                                  work men
                                                                work

till finally...
i was running
by
          trying to avoid eyes
                      keeping the girls in check
when a handshake
asked me 
how are you?
you are who?
                          turning dead bolt
                                bolt pass
thinking 
stops
hardly a go
feeling warm palm prints in 
morning eyes

sleeping daylight

still sleeping
across graveyard streets
where pines whisper to 
willows to sycamores
and oaks
to the 6am sky

still sleeping
up
up
up
the stairs
where Barbies party
with nighttime friends

still sleeping
on the tracks
triptrapping thru town
listening to distance horned traffic
slowly
rushing toward town

still sleeping
up
up
up
the stairs 
where plaster cracks family photos

daylight will shutter
above
warehouse treetops
speaking short 'hello's'
passing by
'bye's'
"Happiness is only real when shared".....from Into the Wild
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