poetry. thoughts and more than make-believe.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Getting older

The thing about getting older, at least this afternoon, is I am slowing less judgemental. I've never been too harsh on people, but activities/concepts/beliefs, I am not the most zen-ish.


I loosely maintain standards, but let things go that don't serve my day.  Take this afternoon for instance..BD and I went to the 3rd grade Pee Wee football game.  He wanted to watch his friends youngest son, so off we went to sit in the HOT sun.  He goes back later to help coach the 6th grade Pee Wee--um, not me.


Anyhow, anytime I go to football games I am completely fascinated--almost to the point of being disgusted, at what this sport does and means to people.  I don't get football at any level--more, I don't the mentality of the game, the coaches and the parents.  It seems so loud and hurtful.  Each time I go I am thankful my girls didn't want to cheer at this age (um, I have an 8th grade cheereleader this year. sigh.) and I don't have boys that play...yet, today I did enjoy going.  Watching the boys run the ball, seeing how it does bring people together--and if they're not crazy-serious, having a good time.  I laughed at the cheers that I swear haven't changed in 40 years--the ones I knew by heart in 1st grade (and I probably did when I cheered) and that's been quite some time ago.  I felt less angry at placing these young girls in front of a crowd for show--and saw the entertainment to it.  They were young girls having a good time, laughing and being happy--even if it seems silly. 


So--I felt good--in the setting--in the place--in the hot football sun.
Om.

Friday, August 26, 2011

2 minute break


Still waking up from my afternoon slump
worried my brain will stay in this low-gear
too long
worried the sunshine won't bring out my heart
worried I need to re-examine
too long
ago


That said, I am looking forward to getting off work at 5.
Walking into a housefull of teen girls, watching them get
primped for the football game...
Getting myself ready for an evening of dancing,
happy my girls can come to the hafla if they think football is boring.
Ha.
Football is boring, but their friends may not be.
Getting a good nights sleep.
That's my issue.
Sleep.
I don't think I'm getting enough and it's bringing on the
slow slump...Anyhow...
Enought stream of conciousness--back to real work.
Au revoir! Om

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

musical cleaning

without silence
empty-house-morning
bleaking-blaring-old-song-onceupontearing
radiates 
cleaning attempts

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Positive thinking

Tomorrow is another new year.
At least for my girls.
And for me in some small way.


They start back to school, getting up between 5:30-6am, groggily eating
a bowl of cereal and doing their sunkissed hair.
6,8 and 10th grades.
Wow...
I've said that many times today and will probably
for a few weeks...it's a common question.
Working with the public, I am reminded how
I've grown up with people and older people feel
they know me, and my girls, simply by daily, weekly or monthly contact.
So, when they ask what grades they're going in and I state:
6th, 8th and 10th...it's like:
Where did the time go? 
You see it in their expressions, often shared by "Oh I remember
you walking them in the stroller."


True.


Now, I'm lucky just to be walking with them...spending time with them.
I feel a huge amount of guilt not being home more, but they 
seem well adjusted--though I probably won't know that for a few more years.
They do seem happy though.
Content.
Loved.


Hopefully--they have a good year...but then again,
it's middle school.
High school.
That's generally isn't the most simple, but I'm gonna stick with
positive thinking though>:))

Thursday, August 18, 2011

zen in one



This week has emotionally sucked.
There hasn't been any REAL reason..nothing is fundamentally different
with my schedule or my life, just the raw reality of responsibility.


I realized I miss the days of rose colored glasses and only paying the cable bill,
...having a bedtime reading partner 
...smelly laundry
...adult home companionship
so how did I handle it?
I withdrew in my day to day life at the library.
I practiced asana and meditated more.
I tried to listen to happy yoga music and chant.
And then today,
I woke up alittle happier.
Lighter.
I had a wonderful bedtime asana practice last night.
Alot of standing poses...which are grounding and because they
deal with our base chakra--if we have family, work issues,
they can surface.
I don't know if anything necessarily surfaced, but I moved threw it and I went
to bed alittle lighter.


Today I still feel the blahness, but alittle more me...alittle more zen.
Om xoxo

Friday, August 05, 2011

Sophie Lucille

Puppy power.
Woooooo...what a decision--I let my oldest daughter-15-get a puppy.


She's been begging since her birthday in May.
I've been a steady no-to-i'llthinkaboutit--to--we'll see...


It didn't help that BD was supporting her, but my decision ultimately--which I respect.


That said, she has been patiently presenting her case--even started emailing people
on craigslist when I said it was ok...until last week when I agreed to take her to the pound.  


I knew I was a puppy owner before we left home...
And there she was waiting for her--a litter of 6 lab mixes (again, what was i thinking?)--but 
the sweetest little puppy girl ever.
Like they all are--


Not so sweet when I can't get my morning asana in--but a reminder of what's 
important and simple love.


Om.
"Happiness is only real when shared".....from Into the Wild
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