poetry. thoughts and more than make-believe.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

only (in) appropriate


seems only
(in)appropriate
that the day my love

Image result for love hand touch cheek

that i reacted from

Image result for slapping

25 years ago
and hearing the words, 
"why would you flinch?"
and me saying,
"i'm sorry"
with tears in my eyes
sadness in your eyes
knowing the past
sometimes leaves shrilling passages

so when i was putting away dishes 
and the pasts-last-dish
tumbled it's ultimate fate


Image result for broken dish

i knew
know
that sometimes
it's best to not understand
but move forward
on
everyday i left, 
knowing #whyistayed when i was young
and 
knowing #whyileft everyday
dealing with those surprise ripples
on tuesday's like this

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

A picture is worth...

I was sitting on the couch watching something I don't remember when I got a text.
My BFF.
She sent me a picture that I had to wait a few seconds to download.
It was a picture of her 'Wall of Fame.' When she bought her house she had everyone write their names on a wall in her back room.

Weeks ago my youngest, who is 15 (how did that happen?) and I stopped to visit together.  And as we were leaving, my youngest noticed the wall and realized her name had faded through the past few years, so she rewrote it.  The end.

Or so I thought.

Fast forward to the couch-sitting-downloading-picture.

BFF wrote, "Notice anything?" 
And underneath my youngest's name I noticed another name.
My very youngest.
My very youngest that I miscarried 13 years ago in black ink.

BFF told me she's never noticed it and she stares at her wall everyday.
I believe that.
I've never noticed it and there it was..is..in plain sight.
My beloved babe who watches over all of us, but I has a special connection with my youngest.  

I've blown up the picture on my phone.
I'm not one for needing logic, but I see no explanation other than spirits live with us..we just need to pay attention closer.

So, this week it's ironic and not, that my youngest got a request to reach out to a family.
I don't think she will decide to go forward with this idea, but clearly my beloved babe is right beside her in all she does.

Much love. 

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Love what you do


Really...I have it figured out, the LOVE part of being what I do...I am grateful to know myself in that way.  I know I love yoga, sharing what I know, reading, jewelry, outdoors, music and people. I've been fortunate to follow my path, because I've never doubted I could.  My path.  That might be a rocky, weed-driven path, but none the less, mine. 

Now, I doubt I could become a rocket scientist, but I do believe if I loved it, I'd figure out how to become a rocket scientist. 

Maybe that's it.  Believing you can do it, even if you don't know how.
Kind of like me going back to school.
I didn't know how I was going to manage and if I think too long about it, I start to freak out and wonder how I really am doing it.
But, I am.
And I will.
So when it comes to student teaching and I have no money coming in, I won't worry now (pant, pant) but know it will all fall into place.

It will, because there's no other way.
That may mean serving tables at night or teaching lots of yoga, but it will all come together.

Love. 

"Happiness is only real when shared".....from Into the Wild
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