poetry. thoughts and more than make-believe.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Official

I am now
"official."

Why do numbers make us "official" when what we do everyday is real?

I am now
"official."

and will be complete
Masters in hand-

May.

And for all your "I am not going to follow you just to get your Masters" 
words that never left
my record 
I smile.

I am proud.

I did it.

For me. 

Saturday, April 30, 2016

at 9:04

It was the last image
I expected
long legs reciting hello old friend
when I opened the mail at 9:03.

I remember it like it was yesterday.
It was the day before.
And when I stubbed my pinkie toe at 9:04
shutting the front door,
I yelled not from throbbing pain but from
the unexpectedness.

Of that.
Of you.

And all I could do was fall back to 
hairbands and conversation.

Good day
Good night
Good dear friend.

Saturday, January 02, 2016

Work. Work. Work.

So...part of the new year in the classroom means that I have to put task or vocational boxes in the room. With ED kids, they are mostly typical, so I am struggling to decide what to create and apply. I do not want to tasks to be too easy for them, but I also do not want it to be too difficult. During my search, I found a great link for writing IEP goals, on  The School Psych Toolbox, which I completely plan on using at some point.

That said, anyone out there has any ideas, I'd love to hear from you!

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

only (in) appropriate


seems only
(in)appropriate
that the day my love

Image result for love hand touch cheek

that i reacted from

Image result for slapping

25 years ago
and hearing the words, 
"why would you flinch?"
and me saying,
"i'm sorry"
with tears in my eyes
sadness in your eyes
knowing the past
sometimes leaves shrilling passages

so when i was putting away dishes 
and the pasts-last-dish
tumbled it's ultimate fate


Image result for broken dish

i knew
know
that sometimes
it's best to not understand
but move forward
on
everyday i left, 
knowing #whyistayed when i was young
and 
knowing #whyileft everyday
dealing with those surprise ripples
on tuesday's like this

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

A picture is worth...

I was sitting on the couch watching something I don't remember when I got a text.
My BFF.
She sent me a picture that I had to wait a few seconds to download.
It was a picture of her 'Wall of Fame.' When she bought her house she had everyone write their names on a wall in her back room.

Weeks ago my youngest, who is 15 (how did that happen?) and I stopped to visit together.  And as we were leaving, my youngest noticed the wall and realized her name had faded through the past few years, so she rewrote it.  The end.

Or so I thought.

Fast forward to the couch-sitting-downloading-picture.

BFF wrote, "Notice anything?" 
And underneath my youngest's name I noticed another name.
My very youngest.
My very youngest that I miscarried 13 years ago in black ink.

BFF told me she's never noticed it and she stares at her wall everyday.
I believe that.
I've never noticed it and there it was..is..in plain sight.
My beloved babe who watches over all of us, but I has a special connection with my youngest.  

I've blown up the picture on my phone.
I'm not one for needing logic, but I see no explanation other than spirits live with us..we just need to pay attention closer.

So, this week it's ironic and not, that my youngest got a request to reach out to a family.
I don't think she will decide to go forward with this idea, but clearly my beloved babe is right beside her in all she does.

Much love. 

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Love what you do


Really...I have it figured out, the LOVE part of being what I do...I am grateful to know myself in that way.  I know I love yoga, sharing what I know, reading, jewelry, outdoors, music and people. I've been fortunate to follow my path, because I've never doubted I could.  My path.  That might be a rocky, weed-driven path, but none the less, mine. 

Now, I doubt I could become a rocket scientist, but I do believe if I loved it, I'd figure out how to become a rocket scientist. 

Maybe that's it.  Believing you can do it, even if you don't know how.
Kind of like me going back to school.
I didn't know how I was going to manage and if I think too long about it, I start to freak out and wonder how I really am doing it.
But, I am.
And I will.
So when it comes to student teaching and I have no money coming in, I won't worry now (pant, pant) but know it will all fall into place.

It will, because there's no other way.
That may mean serving tables at night or teaching lots of yoga, but it will all come together.

Love. 

Monday, December 22, 2014

Moving on...

And again, I am starting over...

The boy I aided has moved.
It was an emotional last day.
It has been emotional since we knew he was moving.
Being autistic and 9 years old, change was not inviting to him...at all.
He acted ways he never had before, but the teacher's were amazing with him
and I felt like I learned even more.

And now, I am moving to the severe autism unit. I am going this morning to visit, so I will at least know where I am going the first day of school.  The kids won't be there, but I will find out more from my director what my responsibilities are and how I will be trained.  

Honestly, I hope I am strong enough, emotionally and physically, for this job.  I think that I will know one way or the other whether I would prefer this setting or a typical public school job setting.  With my schooling, it is only a plus..it's just the not knowing, I suppose.  

I've wondered that maybe this is what I meant to do...or do well at.  When I did book talks, one of the things I loved was visiting different schools and community settings, sharing books.  Now, even though I am mostly staying in the same place, I am periodically changing and this gives me more of a chance to help.  Getting to know different adults and children, creating connections....

What I think it's all about.

Love. 
"Happiness is only real when shared".....from Into the Wild

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