My day, plus day 4 of my night...

Today I was quiet.
If you know me, you might think that's normal...if you're my BFF's well....you still might think that's normal, but  you'd know the difference between what's quiet and what's super quiet.  I was alittle bit of both today.
Maybe contemplative is the word.
My (former) brother-in-law passed away after Thanksgiving and it's been tough on me.
I know it's been tough on everyone.

I realized his death has been my first adult death without warning...not like my grandma or someone else old--but an unexpected death.  Even though he's my former husbands brother, we stayed close.  He was my family for many years and we really loved each other.  The last time I saw him was last summer.  He was visiting from Arizona for a week. I hadn't seen him for a few years, because of the distance.  And now --I feel so thankful that when he left I gave him a big hug and kiss and told him I loved him.  That is my last physical memory of him.
He called once and we had a great conversation.
Thankful again.
And grief--it sneaks up on you.
Like today.
I found an online article someone posted with an obituary attached to it.
Woh...it was very kind.  I felt very proud to have had him in my physical life.
But--it got to me.
I had to go in.
I've already been emotional anyhow, so this just let me be in the very most present state.
Aware.
Kind.
Loving.

So--really my day was my night...a picture of Brian.
Om.