poetry. thoughts and more than make-believe.

Monday, January 31, 2011

My day, plus day 4 of my night...

Today I was quiet.
If you know me, you might think that's normal...if you're my BFF's well....you still might think that's normal, but  you'd know the difference between what's quiet and what's super quiet.  I was alittle bit of both today.
Maybe contemplative is the word.
My (former) brother-in-law passed away after Thanksgiving and it's been tough on me.
I know it's been tough on everyone.

I realized his death has been my first adult death without warning...not like my grandma or someone else old--but an unexpected death.  Even though he's my former husbands brother, we stayed close.  He was my family for many years and we really loved each other.  The last time I saw him was last summer.  He was visiting from Arizona for a week. I hadn't seen him for a few years, because of the distance.  And now --I feel so thankful that when he left I gave him a big hug and kiss and told him I loved him.  That is my last physical memory of him.
He called once and we had a great conversation.
Thankful again.
And grief--it sneaks up on you.
Like today.
I found an online article someone posted with an obituary attached to it.
Woh...it was very kind.  I felt very proud to have had him in my physical life.
But--it got to me.
I had to go in.
I've already been emotional anyhow, so this just let me be in the very most present state.
Aware.
Kind.
Loving.

So--really my day was my night...a picture of Brian.
Om.
VVN/Steve Ayers
The three primary overseers of the monument working for the Bureau of Land Management are (left to right) biologist Jay Vacca, ranger Nancy Stallard and archaeologist Brian Culpepper. Agua Fria is one of five national monuments in Arizona and 15 across the west administered by the BLM.

3 comments:

ClaireMontgomeryMD said...

:( big loves

Jewels said...

Lots of love and hugs coming your way from me. It's the unexpected ones that always hit you the hardest (at least for me). Take care, sweetie.

Not Emily said...

Thanks Claire and Jewels...I feel the love xoxo

"Happiness is only real when shared".....from Into the Wild
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