day 18: My biggest insecurity

My biggest insecurity is my inability to be neat.
I am not necessarily messy, but not at all a neat freak.
I would rather spend my days reading, instead of putting laundry away.
Or making jewelry, yoga, bellydance, spending time with family, friends and of course first--my girls.
Even when they were young, cleaning was not on the top of my list.  We built things, played in the dirt, made crafts and generally had fun.
I suppose I thought once they were all in school I would suddenly have my house in tip-top shape, but in reality I discovered more time to live.
But then--I'd feel this enormous guilt for not being more clean.
More neat.
And though I've accepted who I am, I find I still have insecurities about it.
I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side--but then again, you can't make mud pies that way.
Much Love.