poetry. thoughts and more than make-believe.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

day 18: My biggest insecurity

My biggest insecurity is my inability to be neat.
I am not necessarily messy, but not at all a neat freak.
I would rather spend my days reading, instead of putting laundry away.
Or making jewelry, yoga, bellydance, spending time with family, friends and of course first--my girls.
Even when they were young, cleaning was not on the top of my list.  We built things, played in the dirt, made crafts and generally had fun.
I suppose I thought once they were all in school I would suddenly have my house in tip-top shape, but in reality I discovered more time to live.
But then--I'd feel this enormous guilt for not being more clean.
More neat.
And though I've accepted who I am, I find I still have insecurities about it.
I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side--but then again, you can't make mud pies that way.
Much Love.


Anonymous said...

I'm so with you. I would rather be catching up on blogs, writing, reading, cross stitching, catching up with friends...pretty much anything other than straightening up, doing laundry, etc. It's not that I can't or won't clean its just that there are so many things I'd rather be doing instead. I'm not insecure about it though-I've made peace with it. :)

Just Believe said...

I think when you have time to look back, you'll be much happier that you were outside living instead of inside cleaning!

ClaireMontgomeryMD said...

I'm surprised you could come up with an insecurity.

Scribe said...

I think you've seen the inside of my car and my overflowing laundry basket with clothes begging to be put in the closet. And, like you, I have not yet made peace with it though I'm not entirely ready to change it. Kitchens and bathrooms are clean... the rest of the house however...

Not Emily said...

Exactly Jewel...there are so many other things to do!

And yes Just Believe:) Thanks

OH Claire, it was difficult...xoxo

Scribe--YES my kitchen and bathrooms are the first to be cleaned too:)) And the peace will come sooner than later, I'm sure of it:)

Anonymous said...

ok - I have noted the name of the spa - was not planning on returning to Barbados anytime soon (too many places I need to travel to)

"Happiness is only real when shared".....from Into the Wild

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