poetry. thoughts and more than make-believe.

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

What's this about?

Dreams have always been a substantial part of how I start my day.
I usually remember in detail the people, images, colors and feelings.
I've had plenty of dreams that come true and astral dreams that help me fly.
I can pretty much say, I love dreaming or being in the state of dreaming--then recalling.

So this morning, inbetween alarms, I dreamt I was walking in front of my house when
a small car full of a long-time-ago-ex's family, waved hey to me. They were crammed in this
colorful car and I was surprised to see them.  Whoever I was with told me to turn around and look...
and just past the railroad tracks was this ex-bf in blue and white hawaiian print jeans.  He waved a happy
wave and I hesitated, but waved back...and then I woke up.  

I can positively say that he would never wave at me.
And if he did, I'd have to cover my eyes in caution tape because I assume he still doesn't like me--at all.
This is an old bf--highschool to college--over almost 20  years ago.  I don't even consider him in my
waking life, unless an issue comes up.  The last time I saw him was 5 or 6 years ago at Target when he clearly tried to intimidate me and I remembered why I feared him through that abusive relationship.
So this dream bothered me.

I don't want to see him.
Accidentally run into him or even sense his energy.
When I first broke up with him I'd have dreams that we were friends.
I know it was my mind working it all out.

I don't hate him.
I don't like him either.
Indifferent is the best word to describe any thought towards him.

But dreaming about him scares me--that I might see him.
I see some of his family, which is fine.  They were the ones I had a hard time letting go of and
I appreciate we are friendly with each other. But to see him, NOPE-- don't want to go there.

So what is this happy waving dream about? 
Hopefully just the sunshine waving me awake this AM.

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"Happiness is only real when shared".....from Into the Wild

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