The thing about having your children close together is that they generally leave close together. I never thought about this idea when they were 4,3 and 1.
I always knew I wanted kids.
From a young age, say maybe 7, I had a true maternal desire to love my own child.
I can't explain it, it was just always there. As a teenager, I babysat as much as I could. I knew I didn't want to have kids, I just desired to love them. I worked at a daycare. And then the church nursery. To this day, kids make up a huge part of my day. And my own girls are my heart.
I also knew I wanted kids semi-youngish. I had my first a few months before I turned 24.
I wanted to be "done" by 30, so I could have a life. The year I turned 30, I miscarried my last baby. I knew I was done. There was no one telling me this was the way. My own friends were just beginning at 30. I just knew this was true for me and my family.
So, last night as my youngest went to spend the night with a friend, my middle went on her first date and my oldest hung out with friends, driving to a movie, I realized they are all leaving at the same time. Literally and figuratively. I realized this should be the time that I would spend with my beloved. This alone time that you spend years working towards. And as sappy as I was feeling, I didn't fall head first into saddness. I rejoiced in their growing up together. I realized how lucky they are to have each other to giggle and share first kiss stories together. I realized I am lucky they want to share their stories with me. It's as if they are crossing this threshold into young womanhood that is meant to be sacred and shared. Loved and laughed with. Protected.
Today, I realize being a mom is never being "done" -- it's a willowy road I love traveling.
"Happiness is only real when shared".....from Into the Wild
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